Underwear

Man has an odd relationship with wears of the covert nature. Especially new underwear, the like of which disturbs me greatly. This gets amplified around this time of year (I thought this up at Christmas). And so...

My relationship with new underwear is awkward and uncomfortable. It would seem that the familiarity necessary when wearing new underwear is rather thrust upon both parties. In reality the first impressions are all crotch and no small talk.

Perhaps it is the knowledge that a little deeper in the draw is a pair more likened to an old friend or family dentist which, would truly feel like home. Safe, secure, supportive. Even if the old friend has started to let themselves go and are more and more likely to let you fall, at least they aren't some jolly-come-lately desperate to get inside your trousers at the soonest opportunity.

So yes, my underwear was fine until it was invaded by the modernisation brigade. Perhaps I should have joined the Underpants Trade Union (UTU). To quote a friend, You don't run an empire on yoghurt and museli in new underpants. It just isn't cricket.

Taking A Risk With Some Hot Gossip About A BodyGuard cont..

So as lunch is over and a certain well known science fiction series' episode has concluded; I may begin.
The title of this piece is a 'homage' to the success our team enjoyed at the quiz last night. Let me set the scene.

'doodleydoo doodleydoo doodleydoo'

After some tough questions and struggling with a quiz reader who had no tongue or lips, we were considering witholding our entry. The thought of the pitiful score we may receive, our subsequent rejection by our friends and families and forced exile to Sealand was cause for great concern and trepidation. Some doubts over Mischa Bartons possible inclusion in the picture round was beginning to cause rifts in the team, tempers were frayed, noses were bloodied. One of the six lesbians of Formby had come to our aid as no.5 was indeed not Denise Van Outen but Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is an intriguing lady, as I do not have a single idea who she is or what she has done, but if you look at her face long enough; you could swear it was Denise Van Outen.

Things had picked up briefly during top 5, as the countries with the most air craft losses in WWII was a moment of intellectual respite.

Germany ... ok off the mark
United Kingdom ... gaining momentum
Japan ... on a roll
United States ... hang on a second, who else
Soviet Union ... home and dry

Connections was a bad time for all of us; the lack of any intonation or pronunciation in the questions was really causing us to fatigue early. Missed out on a chance of a point by not backing East 17 as soon as i made out the name Brian Harvey, poor effort.

So things were bad, with only the wipeout to go, the collective team arm was collectively picking up and preparing to throw in, in a collective fashion, the towel. Six questions down in the wipeout and we are four quesitons to the good. Two blanks but blanks are ok in wipeout, just dont get wiped out. Tensions mounted after the (rather obvious) false sense of security question: What war was the battle of Britain?

Let me explain the FSOSQ. In wipeout it is one point for a correct answer, 0 points for a blank answer and the loss of all points from the round for an incorrect answer. The FSOSQ gives you an easy point to make you over confident, so you take the fifty50 chance on the next few questions and wipe yourself out.

So the following two quesitons are just such 'not sure' questions:
8. Which dance troupe frequently appeared on the Kenny Everet show?
9. *garbled no lips or tongue nonsense* Whitney Houston *more nonsense* what was the film?

So I think the dance troupe is Hot Gossip, but its before I was born, I'm not convincing the other team members it's tricky. The only film any of is know with Whitney in is 'The Bodyguard'. What to do.

After a stirring speech (by me) about Valley People and Mountain People*, which is a bit long and a bit copyrighted for here, we rose to our feet, spilling drinks over the geeky team on the right and RAN THE WIPEOUT GAUNTLET.

8 out of 10 on the wipeout, 37 out of 60, 7th out of about 20. We left for the beer garden with old fashioned tankards in our hands(because they had ran out of normal pint glasses) and pride in our hearts. Take the chance, be the best, avoid the army.

*Mountain people, take on the mountain and rise to the highest heights, and when the get there and see that distant horizon, they dont say, "Thats how far I can see" they say, "Thats were my dreams begin".

Taking A Risk With Some Hot Gossip About A Body Guard

Whoops wait a second, it's lunchtime.

Fiddler (who is not) On The Roof

An interesting fact about me is that I fiddle. Not quite compulsively but definitely more than occasionally. It tends to be for the sole purpose of thinking, grasping something from a new angle, "splitting the story wide open!" So to speak.
I have some different fiddles which I will discuss briefly below.

The Chair
I have a rather impressive faux-leather wheelie office chair in my room, I like to think it encourages me to succeed and work harder because if I work really hard I might get one of these in an office somewhere. However it has become something with which to fiddle. Often when in the middle of typed or telephoned conversation when searching for a comical word or phrase, or the key word of wisdom to offer in times of crisis; I will swing back and forth in my chair. Both in a twisting and rocking motion. The brief and gentle movements of air in my face seem to encourage me to think of words. This has been abandoned of late as i kept falling out of the chair, which hurts because it has arms.

Wire
Being a boy i have many different types of wire and cable hanging around the desk, headphone leads, charging leads, guitar cables, stuff that needs soldering, you know boy stuff. This makes for great fun when waiting for things to finish happening because I want to do something after the event I'm waiting for. Coiling, wrapping, making fun knots, writing words, all fun "get on with it" past-times.

Knife
A new fiddle object is my swiss army knife, whenever totally engrossed in something engaging I notice nothing obviously because I am totally engrossed. Once a lul in proceedings appears, I look down and i have been cutting up train tickets, receipts, cans, anything. As satisfying as I must say this is, my desk looks like a giant part-popper has vomitted all over it.

So beware because, you know what they say.....

Question

Goodness it has been a long time since I last typed some thoughts down. It must be said that the previous occasions ramblings were a little on the pitiful side, it appears I am only a barrel of laughs some of the time.
Have you ever considered how utterly disappointing a barrel of laughs would actually be? I mean why would that even seem like a good idea. I imagine a horrendous mix of canned laughter every time the lid lifted. In conclusion to this micro-comment I pose a question, why do we/I only appreciate the laughter of the people I love. This, it is worth mentioning, is a lot of people as I love love, you dig?
This raises a curious point of which I have been vociferously fuming about recently, however I just typed vociferously correctly first time and realised how much I adore this word (mental note use the word vociferously).
Questions; we all have them, we all answer them but why do some people not understand them? I was always under the impression that a question was asked to discover an answer. In my opinion; the world would be a better place if people asked questions to discover an answer THEY DID NOT KNOW. I feel that too often, questions are asked to force someone to repeat a mistake or admit lack of knowledge or relive an unpleasant memory or . . . Basically bad things.

I have realised that the word quest is in question. When have you ever known anyone to go on a quest to find something you already had found before? If you did you wouldn't be a member of a quest, you would be a member of a tourist party.
Think on that.
Yeah, how 'bout that.
ARGH

(Not sure what caused that)